Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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