i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
