I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
