There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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