): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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