I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
