I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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