Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
