i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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