If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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