I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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