there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
