he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
