we made out on top of his cat.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
