Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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