i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
