So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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