Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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