I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
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It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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