i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
