We got so high we made milksteak
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
