He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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