fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
