DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
