Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
