i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize
