Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
