sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
