i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
