Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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