So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
