Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I can't put those talents on a resume
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
