I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
