2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
this hospital has no fireball
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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