piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
