As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
time to smoke my breakfast
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
