My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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