and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
