Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
