Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
