Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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