Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
