Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
