we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Randomize
