legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
