It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
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