you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
