i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
