Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
