i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
