i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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