That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
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Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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