apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
