Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
