Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
