I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize