Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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