Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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