Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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