Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
